Catelynn & Tyler:
Poor C&T. I wish there could be a surprise ending and they could get their baby back. Somehow. Sorry, Brendan and Teresa. C&T > B&T.
Catelynn and Tyler, stop doing stuff and saying words. Nobody cares what your grades are while Amber is beating Gary, who’s calling CPS.
Tyler was going to join the Air Force but then they demanded puberty as a pre-requisite. And Catelynn’s big ambition at the age of 18 is to be an ultrasound tech? No disrespect to ultrasound techs, but shouldn’t that be a 4th round diminished expectation choice, sort of hitting you while you see a commercial for it during a Judge Judy rerun, unemployed and 25 years old? Not an out of the gate lifetime ambition?
She has to go to high school an extra half year to graduate? That’s like a recurring nightmare I have: I have to go back to high school at 29, and then I’m all like, where’s my homeroom? Does this mean my college and graduate school doesn’t count? I hate that dream.
Seriously, though, go C&T, first generation high school graduation style (almost).
“What even is an Ethiopian?”
Well, Maci. Let me get my flashcards out from under Amber’s unmade bed. It appears that an Ethiopian is a mythical being who is purported to love Kahhl’s two old pizza slices, upon which they may be bodily and psychically sustained for days. Too bad there’s no Blackberry app for that yet.
Also, Maci? They make a cookbook for you. It’s called “How to Boil Water.” Unfortunately I suspect the title is in jest. I’ve heard “Ethiopians” can do it, though. Maybe we can introduce you to some, whatever the hell they are. Now we know why she’s so skinny. She’s never cooked a carbohydrate.
Let’s never forget that Maci is the “smart one.” Just like Vinnie on Jersey Shore. Or the smallest fat person in a fat family is the “skinny one.”
I definitely get the feeling that Bentley is very gender-identified by his parents and grandparents. I don’t think this is the kid who is given dolls to encourage his feminine side. I hope he grows up and prefers bicycles to SUVs and four-wheelers for the environmental benefit and Maci and Ryan are all, wha? What’s an Ethiopian/environment anyways?
When you buy glasses, get the anti-reflective glare coating and decent lenses so your eyes don’t look like huge cartoon eyes. I bet you don’t know that because you wear glasses as a fashion statement and not for vision correcting! You look silly.
“I’m meeting with my lawyer to see if there’s any way the entire legal system of the universe can be rearranged so I can avoid awkward phone calls and get what I want without trying.”
“This is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt calling. My name is also Jacoby and Meyers. Have you been injured in a personal Debra accident? Thought so.”
Farrah reads my blog! I told her to get a job as a waitress to make more money! She’s been using my flashcards! Soon Sophia will be allowed on the carpet to play!
I didn’t tell her to wear boy shorts underwear to work, though. That was all her (and possibly John Jacob Jingleheimer, Esq., that perv). Wait, what’s with the new car? When/how did that happen?
I don’t blame Debra for not liking Sophia’s father’s family. The spelling of Kassy’s name does make 75% of my limbs necrotize and die.
I think it’s just funny that these girls try to study while watching their toddlers. How did Farrah afford to furnish her apartment? Is she a Buddhist? Does that explain her zen attitude monotone speaking voice?
Producers of Teen Mom, please give us more backstory on Farrah and her baby daddy and his family. The tension between Farrah and Kassy is so strong yet still somewhat mysterious. What the hell went down?
Looks like Kassy was a Teen Mom, too. Farrah and the people around her really need to start talking about their grief a bit more. The only thing they can say is “I’m sad” and then the lack of emotion is so weird to me.
Landyn and Krystal used to be named Landon and Crystal. But then their showbiz careers took off. Why can’t Gary stay with his mom? What crapola families.
I love this image of the forlorn, abandoned children.
Krav Maga stole my mommy! But if the Palestinians in Ohio get out of line, I’m all set!
Amber’s upset Gary made her look like a “bad mom” for not having sheets on Leah’s crib. Then Amber made Amber look like a “bad mom” or at least a “lazy mom” when she attempted to parent a toddler from a seated position for the 16th time that day. See how easy it is, Amber?
So when Leah has already napped and is getting into stuff, Amber puts her into the crib to cry? Not at nap time? And attempts to placate her with juice? And goes to lay down and ignore her? Now I’m just sad for Leah. Poor Leah. Oh my god. I’m glad Gary is around to save her. Get help, Amber. Get off your stupid phone and up off the bed. I almost feel like Gary is the better parent at this point.
I had a “Go, Gary!” moment when he said that “forever” to Amber as he left with Leah. Let’s see how long it lasts. Again, Teen Mom has forced me to side with fathers over mothers much more than I would in real life. Really, neither Amber and Gary are capable of parenting Leah alone ; they actually need to be together, to balance the other’s shortcomings, and so between the both of them Leah gets a halfway decent upbringing.
Interesting how Gary said “Oh, it’s naptime” sarcastically, as if leaving Leah to cry in her crib alone is a typical Amber parenting strategy. Gross!
“Now that Gary took Leah, I invited my friends over to snort weight loss pills and do Krav Maga commiserate over my situation.”
I still want to meet (through the show, not in real life, dear God) Amber’s parents. I think that would explain a lot. Notice that when she makes her crazy talk, she assumes the tone of a parent verbally abusing a child: Gary was mouthing off to her, Gary needs to shut up and listen, etc.
And then, of course, the punch heard round the…something:
Not the flat screen, Amber! Too bad Gary doesn’t have any evidence of this, to use in court, like if only a television show was filming, oh wait.
Can you believe an anonymous emailer tipped off the local police to investigate?
Poor baby Leah! I love her! Can I adopt her? I’ll send Amber pics every 6 months.
Okay, now the end montage is rolling and I’m crying for little Leah. She’s just a sweet little girl playing in her grandma’s kitchen and I want better for her.
I can’t wait to see the next episode. Also, the After Show is hilarious because Amber can’t even give us 3 contrite minutes without berating Gary.
Until then, kids, lay off the Krav Maga.