Catelynn and Tyler. Don’t forget about April, as if that’s even possible. I’m going to be her for Halloween, I think. That way I’ll always remember her.
See, if I was driving along the Interstate and I saw this, I’d assume a 13-year-old stole their dad’s car and is now joy-riding with his braces-wearing girlfriend. But I’d be wrong, because it’s just Tyler.
Guys, Brandon & Teresa don’t actually want you to touch their daughter. Your cooties are most likely contagious. They don’t want Carly to suddenly develop meth face and start driving a wood-paneled van.
Anyone else notice how often Tyler squees? I mean there is no other word for this:
He does it again when they pull up to the picnic site. “SQUEE! I see her!” Aww, I guess it’s kind of cute. Eh, not really.
I can’t imagine how sad and touching it would be to encounter your own daughter a year after she was born. Carly was really sweet and cute. She reminded me of my daughter when she hugged the stuffed animal and pointed to her tummy, Anna’s current twin obsessions.
Catelynn seemed to hold Carly at arms’ length, literally and figuratively. I could understand why.
C&T seemed like natural parents. More cry. I guess I just never got behind the whole adoption thing. I understand they wanted better for Carly, but I think short of abuse and drug addiction, etc., financial superiority alone doesn’t equal superior parenting. I know some would disagree, but I think if C&T got away from their parents they could have been loving parents to Carly.
Emergency scrapbook session!
Tyler is definitely the lost male member of The Babysitter’s Club. Hey Logan!
I think Catelynn does this thing where she wants to please everyone and show how mature and okay she is with everything, that she actually goes into a bit of denial and then has to deal with it later.
Farrah. Debra, the first rule of arranged marriages is not to choose a potential son-in-law that works at a hair salon. Unless of course, your main motivation is not your daughter’s happiness but rather free frosting and layering for life. Woo-hoo! Also, do we trust anyone who is responsible for Debra’s mane? I mean, what kind of offspring could a criminal like that even end up with?
Hmm, I see he’s wearing skinny pants and has a bouffant of sorts, but he seems straight to me. Maybe Debra just owned me. But I think she still looks like a felon. An 80’s mail fraud felon to be exact.
Ha! Sophia proves that babies can never be tricked by plastic imitations! I love babies. They’re such characters.
Oh! I just figured out why perhaps-gay-Julian agreed to go out with Farrah and why his dad tried to fix his son up. To promote the brother’s restaurant! So wily, family.
Does Farrah have an ethnic background from her father that she doesn’t share with Debra? Is it Armenian or something Middle Eastern? Persian? Is that what Julian is as well? Google said she was Greek but I don’t think that seems right. [Funny, that search also revealed questioners asking if Amber is an Asian Adjacent, per Margaret Cho.]
“Since I let Julian promote his brother’s restaurant on MTV, I haven’t heard from him.” Maybe when his sister’s clothing boutique opens, he’ll take you to a movie, and then a visit to buy some fabulous clothes.
Ha, Farrah, you are too much. She wants to be a normal tenant, but not sign anything besides her own insane made-up ramblings. “I know what applies to me and what doesn’t apply to me.” We know, Farrah. That we know.
She wants her mom to help her out as a family favor but then she carps to her that she can’t handle objective business? HA!
Although it’s funny that Debra wanted her to pay an application fee. The application was being your first-born.
Maci. Okay, so I had a moment of total confusion when I thought Ryan was asking Maci if she ever got those peppers. Did he need some special Nashville hot peppers to make a great salsa recipe he’d heard about and Maci promised to bring them to him?
Oh. PAPERS. Ha. Also, not to be a New York snob or anything, but I would never eat in a place that looked like this:
Maybe I’m missing out on some delicious barbecue or home-cooked Southern food but I doubt it.
I also thought Ryan asked Maci how night school was working out for her. I was all, what? huh? night school? but he actually said “Nashville.” Maci can’t even understand what the hell he’s saying anymore. Is he chewing tobacco while he speaks?
I guess in Tennessee you don’t need fancified e-lectronic labels and stuff for your bidness letters. I love Tennesee! Also, I love how they are getting divorced before they get married. See how teen motherhood ages you?
Amber. New boyfriend creeps me out! I know there is gossip circulating that he’s a registered sex offender and whether that’s true or not (all signs point to no) he still gives me a weird feeling. I guess he gives the Internet a weird feeling, too, giving rise to these rumors. Go away, Chris. Leave my BFF Baby Leah alone. The whole Amber train is leaving the happy to make fun of station and chugging along toward sad and tragic junction. If Chris isn’t the molester she lets move in, I’m sure there will be one in a few years. I’ve watched enough Intervention episodes to know how this works.
The producers agree. They want to show us something about Amber.
They cannot remain silent any longer. You know, sometimes I feel bad that my house doesn’t look like a Country Living feature spread, and my daughter isn’t always impeccably dressed, and I don’t cook 5-course meals every night. Guess what? I FEEL BETTER NOW.
This guy Chris is a pro. He doesn’t only want to mooch off of Amber, he wants to mooch off of Gary, too. Keep an eye on him: he might snatch Leah’s ice-pop.
“I could see myself spending the rest of my life with you. Hey, can I borrow the car quick?”
Amazing how much of a catch Gary Shirley seems right about now, isn’t it?
“I finally have some time to relax.” HAHAHAHAHAH. Amber, your life is a big relaxing pile of poo. All you do is sit down. I guess it’s not relaxing unless you’re actually lying down in your bed?
Also, Gary’s missing the point here. I understand Amber has parenting problems but they aren’t toddler knee scratches from playing in the park and dirty toddler clothes. It’s everything else, Gary.
Amber, why is your only insult to Gary that he’s a fatass? You used to be a fatass, too, dude, before you took up amphetamine abuse.
Wow, I forget how skinny she got. I’m glad to see she’s taking her abuse on the road now.
“I can’t talk to you over the phone because I can’t punch you in the gut over the phone!” Seriously, what’s happened since last season? Amber used to be borderline between sympathetic and villianious. Now she’s straight out evil-giggling after pursuing Gary down the road to beat him. She needs a cartoon superhero to take her down at this point.
So I had a roommate once with a cocaine problem and they slept a ton and also lost a lot of weight. I’ve also heard of cokeheads having anger problems. So I think I’m retracting my accusations of speed use and postulating a cocaine addiction. And Chris is definitely a dealer-type. Maybe that’s why she says Chris calms her down. Forget rehab, counseling, Zoloft, and possibly the acquisition of religion. All Amber needs is Chris, the dude who just got out of jail that she met at Walmart and now lives with her.
Amber is a master at Freudian projection.
Well, Dr. Drew. Nice to see you waltz here in now. Little late for that, huh?