So will I or won’t I? I have to say I’d much rather see a third season with Amber Alert and the ol’ Funky Bunch than re-hash the whole sorry premature reproduction saga with a new crop of half-wits, with the odd semi-sane one thrown in to deter us off the scent of formulaic formulae. Who will be this season’s Maci? Will she wonder what even is an Albanian, anyway? Will we have more domestic violence? Well, if this cat can’t take care of that requirement, then no one can.
She sassy. She batshit.
I don’t think I’d even be watching, really, if I weren’t so concerned with my dear readers. I know you will all be out to sea, lost with wondering just how these new Teens are doing it wrong without my well-meaning commentary. I have some flashcards too left over from my work with Amber and Maci. I have a feeling Chelsea, Jenelle, Leah and Kailyn just might need my help. I mean, half of the poor things can’t even spell their own names.
Handicapping: Chelsea is the sober, mature Maci one with a sick baby twist; Jenelle is the Amber trainwreck; Kailyn is the sad sack Catelynn I have a bad mother one, and that leaves Leah to be the inept Farrah show of limited competence? I don’t know what I’m talking about. YET. I’ve only seen parts of the 16 and Pregnants from whence these imposters sprung.
And now for our moment of zen hilarity. The official show description says Jenelle is a “beach bunny.”
[Ellipsis of wonder and needle-strewn bio-waste "beach" imagery]
Although she does resemble a white-trash version of Kristen Stewart and Jena Malone which means she resembles…me! Scary. Jenelle is my look-alike. Maybe I’ll go easy on her like I did with Amber.
Yes, I’ll be featured on Teen Mom 3. Because it appears I look like I should.
This clinches it.
I’ll be recapping Teen mom 2. Watch out GED! I’m tutoring.