Monthly Archives: January 2011

You will be OWN-ed

So how many Oprah-world-domination puns can you come up with as a comment on the new Oprah cable network?

Basically, Oprah owns us our asses.

But I’m kind of disappointed in the network, so far.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll be watching along with Kathy G. to read between the lines of the spiritual journey of the Duchess (not the one with “Lady Lumps” but rather the one with Lady Lumps) and the sob triumphant story of the Judds and all that, and yes, I’m way too excited about the prospect of televised marital sex counseling, but I’m left a bit, underwhelmed by the whole gestalt.

I’m under-owned.

I just feel like all that stuff Oprah said she didn’t want on her network? Like, the reality TV trainwrecks, and self-aware mockeries, and all that snarky jazz? That’s my meat and potatoes.  That’s my people.  That’s my TV.  And not for the reasons you might suspect.  It’s not because I love to watch misguided souls suffer (usually).  It’s because in between those moments of exploitation and just plain silliness is where human truth and experience live.  I swear, I learned more about life and the tragic cycle of the human yearning for connection and reproduction in the face of annihilating death from True Life: Jersey Shore than I did from anything since, say, John Steinbeck’s Cannery Row (the similarities between the two are not insignificant, but that’s a post for another day).

I mean, not for nothing did that shit inspire a ragingly successful spin-off series.  Tommy’s existential struggle to dance and fight his way to love and progeny and be the king of the cheeseballs (literally, people, not figuratively, please go watch this show if you haven’t, it’s the best thing that’s ever been on MTV) was 10,000 times better than any scripted show I’ve ever seen.  I hate scripted shows.

But I also hate pablum that doesn’t show me something real and meaningful whether by accident or mistake.  Kidnapped by the Kids? So 2011 American value system. So boring. Dr. Phil? No. Miracle Detectives? One minute of that show and I just felt horrible for the “skeptic” female lead, forever trying to offer reason and logic to the unreasonable and illogicals, ie all people everywhere.

Except me. See? That’s why I watch Celebrity Rehab, Teen Mom, Intervention, and I’m super-excited to watch the new A&E show Heavy.  And more krazy koupon ladies on TLC.

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