Monthly Archives: February 2011

Life, Blackberried

She learned how to say “cheese”!

Dressed like a flapper-meets-a-wood-gnome at Mommy and Me class. I trick her into wearing hats and accessories by making a big fuss over how pretty she looks in them and showing her in the mirror. Vanity wins over discomfort, apparently even at age 1 and a half.

You can play hide and seek with a chinchilla, if you try hard enough.

Especially ADHD-Hyperactive Disordered chinchillas at PetSmart.

That chinchilla thinks the fur trim on Anna’s jacket looks familiar. (Don’t worry; we do faux in our family.)

And that was our week in Blackberry pics. I swear we’ve hit some kind of winter low water mark of doldrums.

I’m just living for spring now.

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Ducky Called

He wants to take you to the prom.

What to wear?

Yeah.

Or.

Exactly.

More a Patrick Bateman gal than a Ducky one?


I HIT THE PROM DRESS JACKPOT at the thrift store.

It was great.

I even found some things for those bohemian types.

Now if only I were 16 and really edgy and fun and needed a prom dress.

Oh, I also found  a serious 1950′s ball gown. Ball. Gown.

It’s all so amazing. I can’t wear any of it, of course, so it’s all for sale on my Etsy shop, Carmen’sVintages. Some enterprising girl is out there, I know, who doesn’t want to shop at David’s Bridal. Nothing against David’s Bridal, of course, except, oh, everything.

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Teen Mom 2:1 PREVIEW aka The Ratio of Orthographic to Phonemic Vowels in These Poor Kids’ Mispelled Names

Hey, look it up if you don’t understand. I barely do. It’s been a few years since my education took place in halls of higher learnin’, rather than through reality television case studies.

So anyway, the new season has commenced and I’m way behind. Children have been born and christened “Jace.” I have a doppelganger. It’s not easy being Jenelle’s doppelganger. I’m forced to wonder what drugs my mother must have taken during my embryonic stage, when all along I thought she was a prude teetotaler. Hmm, she did “quit” smoking cigarettes during her pregnancies. Maybe “quit” really meant “switch to Marlboro Lights and call it  a day”? “Until such time as said progeny realizes her freakish resemblance to Jenelle from Teen Mom 2, after the invention of cable television and all, and concludes there must, has to be, a missing link of fetal SOMETHING exposure”?

Now I’m even freaking myself out. Can someone please find a picture of Jace in a Baby Bjorn so we can make this an even more uncanny comparison?

What’s that you say? That kid never saw the inside of any baby carrier that wasn’t a recalled Graco convertible carseat from 2001? I’m not here to judge parenting choices, guys. Pepsi One in the bottle is fine, since mixing the formula stressed Jenelle out! A happy mom is a good mom.

Okay. I just learned about her YouTube videos singing along to Ke$sha, which I can only imagine she did as a stealthy way to appear less annoying of a human by juxtaposition with this person.

And yes, the best part of the video is how half-hearted and badly done it is. I mean, if you are going to tell the haters to eff off, and showcase the spectacular use of the time you don’t use caring for your child by making a homemade video lip-synching and dancing, at least do it like you mean it!

And yes, the second best part is the set. I like her mom’s bedspread and the recently purchased vacuum in a box or whatever the hell it is by the front door.

And double yes, the third best part is the spastic move at 2:33. What the hell?

Maybe Amy Chua needs to adopt her, and force her to practice her dance moves. And her lip-synching. I could see Jace playing Carnegie Hall one day.  If “Carnegie Hall” is an army-shooting game that partially takes place in the post-apocalyptic dregs of what used to be Carnegie Hall and is now the base for a race of half-zombie, cyborg men who terrorize the skeletal remains of Manhattan. Then yeah, he’d probably be really good at that, and get to like Level 19 or whatever.

So I’m way behind on my recaps. It’s terrible. But it’s MTV’s fault, because their full episodes online are not working.

But I’m coming…I’m bizarro Jenelle and I’m on my way. With advice. And linguistic expertise.

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