Feeding Friday

Can’t wait to re-institute Fitness Fridays again.

There’s just not much fitness happening for me right now, but I’m pretty much too exhausted to care.

Two weeks postpartum

There IS a lot of feeding…complicated, problematic baby feeding. Part of me wishes this could be Formula Friday, when I talk about how I guiltlessly decided breastfeeding was causing more stress than I could handle and just made the switch for my sanity and family’s equilibrium.

But I can’t do that yet. Even though it feels like an easy out right about now.

If only I could have my body back…no more painful nipples, no more leaking, no more uncomfortable engorgement. Struggling with the baby to get him to latch right. Aches and pains in the joints and muscles of my neck and shoulder from holding him, often awkwardly, for most of the day and night. Endlessly feeding him. Having to wake up and pump. Being tied to home, being on call, being the only one who can feed him. Clogged ducts, mastitis, and now what I think is thrush.

Last time around with my daughter this was the straw that broke me. After a month in, with all the same problems as this time, I couldn’t handle that final one. I couldn’t handle what should seem to be the more mundane aspects: what to wear, how to sleep, how to deal with pain and soreness when all nursing pads seemed excruciatingly painful. A topless life was not so convenient. Now I only wear Soothies (the gel pads) because everything else, of course, hurts. If I have thrush, I can’t really wear them 24-7, because, well, thrush. The problem seems insurmountable here from my vantage point. I know it’s not, but down here in the depths of sleep deprivation and constant stress, it seems like I just drove for days only for the highway to end at a cemented-over tunnel entrance.

I ventured out to a breastfeeding support group with Henry yesterday. Magically, it was five blocks away from my house and only one other woman was there, so the lactation consultant was able to talk to me for a long time. She said I was doing everything “right,” trying to fix all the problems the right way. This was unfortunately before I realized I might be getting thrush so I didn’t get  a chance to ask her about that.

Finn after a bath...looking pretty much how I feel, too, buddy

I feel like crying and Why Me-ing…why do I have every problem in the book (that I never got around to reading) and some people breeze through this? I know I am blessed in so many ways and breeze through other things some women struggle with (how about having healthy babies in the first place? I know I’m lucky.) But the Why Me-ing is a comfortingly dark and teary place to dwell. It’s not healthy to stay here. I know. But right now I’m frustrated and feel defeated.

Which is probably why this post is highly whiny and depressing. Here’s to a happier post come Monday.

At least she never fails to cheer me up


Filed under Parenting, Pregnancy and Post Partum Fitness

4 Responses to Feeding Friday

  1. Laura F

    I definitely could have written this post after Beckett was born. I didn’t even have the additional stress of a toddler then. Yikes. I’ve been mentally preparing myself that in Jan I’ll have another baby with the tongue tie issues. It’s so rough. Have tried the ice packs at night to help with the engorgement? Just a few nights of that helped me a lot. I did have thrush also. After some over the counter remedies that didn’t work, I got a prescription for Newman’s cream. It worked perfectly. You do have to get it from a compounding pharmacy http://www.breastfeedinginc.ca/content.php?pagename=doc-CP

    For a while until Beckett finally learned how to latch, the feeding position where he was able to really receive milk was the football position. It’s not ideal for as heavy as he was, but I could tell that was actually getting something. I didn’t figure this all out until after the engorgement phase because that’s when he actually had to learn to suck efficiently instead of biting my breasts with his gums. I know TMI. I had too many people tell me that he was doing it right, but then why was I in so much pain.

  2. Laura F

    One last note. Do allow yourself a break. If your pumping or have some of those sample formulas. I’m pretty sure that you won’t throw off your milk supply by bottle feeding once a day. Milk is produced by stimulation. I’m sure that you’re already taking this precaution since your daughter has a cold, but sterilization is key to get rid of thrush as well, pacifiers, pump supplies after every use.

  3. Barb

    Came to your blog through Run Far Girl’s blog (which I stumbled upon just yesterday while googling “training for marathon with young baby”).
    I extend my sympathies about BF problems. I had a similar experience with my son (now 4 m old). Lots of latch issues and I had/have a low milk supply. I’ve been to many BF clinics for help. It took a lot of time (8 or 9 weeks) to settle into a good BF relationship. I still have to supplement him with formula though.
    All that to say: it will get better – believe it or not but the soreness will subside and once you get into more of a routine your supply will figure out how much to make and you’ll be less likely to get any engorgement.
    I agree with the previous commenter though, if you need a break off for a feed use the pumped milk (or even formula) to take a breather.
    Hope things are improving between you and the babe.

    • admin

      Thank you! I’m glad bfeeding worked out for you in the end. It is getting better for me and I hope it contiunes to. Thanks for reading :)

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