Comical Crossfit Hands

I’ve wanted to do Crossfit for a long time (which means since last year when I was at my peak fitness) but haven’t felt ready since the baby until now. On Monday my husband unexpectedly came home really early (because he cracked his tooth in half!) and so I took the chance to go to Crossfit instead of the normal Elevated Training class I take at the gym. (There’s no babysitting at Crossfit, obviously.)

Won't someone please think of the children?

A nearby Crossfit gym was recommended to me and I called to make sure it was okay to just stop in without having taken the “On ramp” intro training first. I a little nervous, if only because it was new, and I didn’t know what to expect. There was a female trainer and two men and two women working out.

The WOD was written on the board, but it was kind of indecipherable to me (Minoan Linear B maybe). We started the warmup (jog 800 meters around the block, dynamic stretching, 10 pushups with rotations, 20 sit ups, 20 air squats, 10 pullups) and then practiced the skill of the day: toes to bar (TTB). Crossfit has a particular way of doing even familiar moves, and the trainer showed me the specific Crossfit official way.

Toes to bar. Yeah. I couldn’t hang, literally. I have a decent amount of upper body strength (I can do a chinup or two) but I have the worst hands. Like, they are tiny and weak. They always fail me before I actually fail on any weight that I have to hold. If people examine my hands, they laugh, because they look like kid hands. Small. I wear a size six shoe, so, yeah. I can’t hang long enough on the bar to keep kicking my feet up and kipping to get toes to bar. My hands just open and I fall down.

I guess if I kept doing CF I would necessarily strengthen my grip, and maybe I should walk around my house doing grip exercises?

So unluckily for me, toes to bar was one third of the WOD (Workout of the Day if you’ve been living under a rock).

The WOD was five rounds of three exercises, done for a minute each, for reps. Box jump-overs, toes to bar, and a kettlebell farmer carry. I liked the sound of that, because if the Spartan Sprint taught me anything, it’s that I’m good at things that are reminiscent of manual labor (thanks European peasant stock) and bad at things that demand athleticism and dexterity and agility.

The trainer started me off with a low box to nail the movement and then gave me a higher one when I wasn’t a total spaz, and then I got an even higher one because that one was too easy. So I had a 20 incher, same as the other two women who were there. I’m not competitive or anything ;)

So see the zeros? That was the toes to bar. I didn’t realize that if you couldn’t do something as prescribed you were supposed to do the substitute move and count those and then your total score would be asterisked as not “official,” so instead I counted zeros for the toes to bar minute when I just practiced trying to get knees to bar. Which I couldn’t do either.

When the trainer explained the farmer carry I thought we each had to have our own set of kettle bells and the two women grabbed the only medium weights (53 lb pairs) so I grabbed a lighter pair. But then I realized that we were doing the intervals in turns so I was able to use the 53 pound bells. I wanted to do what they were doing if I could. So yeah that was hard. We had to walk with them down the driveway and back. My forearms are still sore and it’s now Thursday. I was able to do one trip each time.

Although, my legs weren’t sore afterward. Just my forearms and some shoulders. So I’m worried I didn’t get enough of a leg workout. Because usually after leg day I’m deathly sore. Cue “leg day” memes…

You can see my number of box jumps declining too…it was nice and tough to keep going and going with no rest. It was so much fun. By the fourth round the other women started doing lying v-ups instead of the toe to bar so I did that, too. But again, I didn’t realize I was supposed to count them. So I would have gotten a way higher overall number.

Instead, I just look stupid, with my way low number up there. It should probably be way higher. Let’s say I did 15 v-ups each time, that’s another 75 points! Even though it wouldn’t be the official “rx” count.

So now I must go back and avenge my pitiful number. I’m going to sign up for the on ramp course (three personal sessions) to learn all the moves and lingo and then buy a punch card and go if I can, like weekends or late at night or whenever my husband needs more emergency dental work.

We can only hope.

Also, I got some callouses on my comical baby hands, so that’s fun.

 

2 Comments

Filed under Weight Training

2 Responses to Comical Crossfit Hands

  1. Thank God you included a photo of the white board at Crossfit. I’ve always wondered what that looks like.

  2. I’ve thought about trying crossfit, but I think you just made my mind up for me.
    I’ll stick with squats and lunges and whatever other crap I already know how to do without learning a new language.
    Nice job though. :)

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