i guess i’m not okay

So turns out I’m not really okay. I hope I will BE okay at some point in the near future. In fact, this situation feels so bleak to me that I felt the need to actually write down anything GOOD I could think about it. And by GOOD I mean NOT AS BAD AS IT COULD BE.

I have whiplash (cervical sprain) and the doctor today wasn’t immensely reassuring. Amidst the haze of forms, insurances, crying, and trying to cope for my children, there is more crying, because he didn’t say, Well you’ll be back to running and health in no time. I also have some form of concussion. I’m still waiting to find out more details when I see a neurologist tomorrow.

the grateful list post accident

1. Henry wasn’t hurt (this is worth Infinity points)

2. We didn’t have to be admitted to the hospital

3. Both whiplash and a concussion are not PERMANENT injuries

4. I was strong and fit when I got hurt, so I will recover

5. I am determined to get back to my old physical level 100%, determination will help

6. I didn’t black out or lose consciousness; whatever level of concussion I have is likely to be mild.

7. I can always get back into shape, once a runner or an athlete always a runner

8. I can access good medical care

9. They totaled our car and we will get a nice new one

10. I can relax and spend time doing things with Henry while Anna is in school until I can run again

11. I may be allowed to ride a recumbent bike and do light weights soon

12. I will be more grateful for my health

13. Brand new car seats and stroller and maybe I’ll even sue because I’m fucking mad

14.I still have my family and my beautiful children

15. We have food and the basics of life

16. I can always laugh

17. I likely (?is this true?) won’t suffer long term symptoms and I can manage whatever comes

18. If exercise and physical therapy can help me get well, I will do it

19. I am tough and resilient, I can handle a lot

20. I am alive and I have a long life ahead of me to do all the things I want and know I can do once I’m healthy.

21. I’ve been injured and thought I wouldn’t recover for a long time and it all ended up okay in the end. I don’t know what the future holds but I’m optimistic.


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4 Responses to i guess i’m not okay

  1. It totally sucks that you’re hurt and sidelined right now! I hope your poor beaten up brain and spine heal quickly!!

  2. This is very scary! So sorry to read this, and hope you are okay (mentally, and physically). Take care of yourself, and everything will fall back in place. Hope little H is feeling better too!

  3. oh man. I’m really sorry. i was in an accident last year when i was 5mo pregnant with Jack. sophia was in the car with me and we were hit in the side. it totaled our car but we were both fine. i declined the ambulance and after my hubs picked me up we carried on with our day. but the next day I was bleeding. it was the scariest day of my life because i thought i was going to miscarry and lose jack. (this was all before jack had to be transported to the hospital in the middle of the night…then THAT became the scariest day of my life). I thought nothing of the accident because sophia and i were fine and it wasn’t that bad. i’m so grateful that we were all safe. but i still felt terrible about the car etc. etc. the healthiest thing to do is to look at the GOOD. i think the more positive, the more you focus on the good the faster you’ll heal:) also if we were neighbors i’d watch your kids so you could go to all those appointments:) it would be an intense party of uber-friendly little girls and toddly little boys:)

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